A Fat Lazy Bastard’s Weight Loss Plan

How I lost 60 pounds without exercising

The scale doesn’t lie. I was a fat bastard. 260 lbs to be exact. 117.934 kilograms. 19 stone. 0.1179340000067551214 metric tons. No matter how you write it…I was huge.

Yearly physicals didn’t help. My doctor was portly and near the same age as I was. He would warn me of high blood pressure and high cholesterol and I would assure him I knew I needed to drop some weight.

“Nah, man…your weight is ok. Just work on that BP!” he said. Maybe he didn’t want to admit to his own portliness? So, I would feel ok about my weight. My doctor said it was no problem.

THEN…I read my chart. The notes that the doctor made after our chat…and I saw the word that shamed me into taking action: OBESE. Not chubby or rotund or big boned…OBESE. At 45 years of age and having two young sons…I knew the clock was ticking and I had to start NOW.

In my youth and well into my 30’s I was in great shape. I lifted weights, played sports, ran 5k and 10k races, hiked frequently…but, life had caught up to me. Jobs, kids, commutes and all the modern life conveniences conspired to turn my 32 inch waistline into a 40 inch wasteland of BigMac and TastyKake excesses.

My wife would work out 8 days a week if we added an extra day to the week. She has that kind of energy. She worked out throughout her pregnancy…all the way until the final weeks. I lack the energy and will power that she has. So, exercise was not going to be the…